Publicado en 'Inglés / English' por ArequipAQP, 6 Abr 2017.
This is more dead than Maradona.
Wait... what? maradona is dead?
how did that happened?
What's the temperature where you live?
actually.. that's a very interesting question, I'm not sure but I think it's ok
I'm a little worried about my car, it's been in the same position for almost a month now
You should start the engine at least three or four times a week, during some minutes. My brother kept his car without starting its engine and after one month it wasn't able to start and finally he had to call a mechanic for help.
Last year mid quarantine I ended up with a couple of flat tires and my car battery died, took me a couple of weeks to get a mechanic to come to my place, when I tried to change the tires by myself I remembered that my brother asked for my hidraulic jack a couple of months before quarantine
guess what? today I tried to move my car, the battery is fine but I have a flat tire again
Atleast you have a car, I had to sell mine a few months ago.
I didn't even have one...
Never trust a mirror,
for a mirror always lies,
It makes you think that all you're worth,
can be seen from the outside.
Never trust a mirror,
it only shows you what's skin deep,
You can't see how your eyelids flutter,
when you're drifting off to sleep.
It doesn't show you what the world sees,
when you're only being you,
or how your eyes just light up,
when you're loving what you do.
It doesn't capture when you're smiling,
when no-one else can see,
And your reflection cannot tell you,
everything you mean to me.
Never trust a mirror,
for it only shows your skin,
And if you think that it dictates your worth,
it's time you looked within.
A marriage makes of two fractional lives a whole;
It gives two purposeless lives a work,
And doubles the strength of each to perform it.
It gives to two questioning natures a reason for living
And something to live for.
It will give new gladness to the sunshine,
A new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth
And a new mystery to life.
– Mark Twain
Does God exist?
An atheist was seated next to a girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said...
"Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker it you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger"
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger...
"What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly
"Okey," she said. "Those could be interesting topics, but let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven, and Hell, or life after death when you don't know shit?..."
My Grandpa is a gambler
The IRS decided to audit my Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
Spoiler: The Gambler
Separa los nombres con una coma.